February 2010
I went to the butcher today and bet him 1000...
He said “No way, the stakes are too high.”
I walked down the street and saw a man playing...
I thought, That’s Aboriginal.
I went to Blockbuster and asked the clerk if I...
He said “No, only until Wednesday”
I went to the gym and asked the trainer to teach...
He asked me “How flexible are you”
I told him I could only come on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Cowboy walks into a German car dealership
and says “Audi”
Went to the doctor today. Told him I think I broke...
He told me not go to those places any more.
Spongebob's on
Spongebob > Grammys
Tried to play COD MW2 today
Try 1: Played one round before my roommate demanded we go on a Taco Bell run.
Try 2: Got the game to the title screen when my friend called me to jump his car.
Try 3: Played one round before my 3 roommates and 2 friends came in and each wanted to play around. Needless to say I didn’t feel like watching 5 rounds to play 1 so I left.
Try 4: Got the game to the title screen before I realized...
People care about the Grammys?
Who knew?
I wanna see an all out GIRL WAR
mehalicka:
moltingredleaves:
with Gaga, Swift and Fierce.
Swift falls by the wayside…Beyonce V. Gaga…shiiiiiiiiiiit can’t pick a winner (tiebreaker may go to Gaga SHE’S GOT NOTHING TO LOSE BWA HAHA)
Swift falls? GTFO. Ever see the video for White Horse where she starts screaming uncontrollably? She’s fucking nuts dude. Plus, Beyonce vs. Gaga would be catching each other on their...
Can someone explain to me
how the Devils just lost to the Kings in regulation despite leading by a goal with 2 minutes to go in the game? Any Hurricane fans out there?
January 2010
Disturb not the harmony of Fire, Ice, or Lightning, Lest these Titans wreak destruction upon the world in which they clash. Though the water’s Great Guardian shall arise to quell the fighting, Alone its song will fail. Thus the Earth shall turn to ash. O, Chosen One, into thine hands bring together all three. Their treasures combined, tame the beast of the sea. From the trio of islands,...
Pokemon 2000 is on tv
Best day ever
Figures the Leafs go after some talent (Dion...
Glad Giguere will be dealt to Toronto as well so we can kick his fucking ass. Fuck that mother fucker and his tainted 2003 Conn Smythe. Bullshittedly awarded to the losing goaltender as opposed to the goalie who won the cup and set a record for most shutouts in a playoff season, including 3 shutouts against the Ducks in the finals. Fuck you Giguere and the 19 goals you allowed in 7 games to a...
My roommate just compared me to the sounds made by...
My constant outbursts of
“SOMEONE LIKE YOUUUUUUUU” (Use Somebody) “BAY-BAYYYYYYY” (Kiss From a Rose) “SOILED IT” (Spongebob) Etc.
have led him to this comparison.
SOMEONE LIKE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU
My roommate, who rarely shows any emotion, just...
Because I told him Seal was nominated for a Grammy. He’s so pissed. It’s hysterical.
It sickens me to type in 'Scott Niedermayer' on...
Come home Scotty.
When did it become normal...
To use an ellipsis (…) as a substitute for a period (.) during an AIM conversation or Facebook status? And when did it become normal to use two periods (..) as a substitute for an ellipsis? Anyone?
JERSEY SHORE COMING BACK FOR A SECOND SEASON
BEST NEWS EVER. MORE DUCK PHONE.
WatchCrazy ass juggling. Must watch.
Random conversation with my roommate about foreign...
Hello.
Fuck your mother.
The third verse in 99 Red Balloons.
Jacques Lemaire needs to be fired
After a recent offensive slump, couresty of constant line swithes, he starts the game off with Zajac, Zubrus, and Zach Parise. The 3Z line. The result: 40 minutes of complete domination. Ending the second period, the score was 4-2 and the Devils could coast to a victory. After all, nothing the Maple Leafs did was stopping 3Z. Parise had 2 goals and an assist, Zubrus a goal and 2 assists, and Zajac...
WatchLebron kicks a tray of water cups into the crowd (and all over a cop) after not getting a foul call. I love Lebron as much as any sports fan, but not only did he not get fouled, but he traveled. Clearly traveled. Wait, crab dribble. Never mind. Missed call fo sho. Cop’s reaction is hysterical.
So the Devils constantly change lines and have...
2 goals in 15 minutes from their newest line: Dainius Zubrus, Travis Zajac, Zach Parise. I’m naming it the 3Z line. And their motto? Scoring is so three-z, a Dianusaur can do it.
“The ideas are pretty insane. I’ll just give one away right now. My buddy,...”
– Bam Margera, convincing me to buy a ticket for Jackass 3
WatchHysterical save by Thrashers goalie Johan Hedberg
“lets say i just stole this petroleum truck cuz the guy got out his car in sunken...”
– Take a guess
Dear Devils,
You guys are playing the Leafs tonight. They fucking suck and I ripped the original six last night. Don’t make me look foolish. Find your offense ASAP and give Brodeur a rest some time. Three of your next four games are against Toronto. Now would be a good time to break out of your offensive slump.
Sincerely, Chico Resch
Yo fuck the Blackhawks
They’re fucking gay as hell. I hate teams that have been around for a while, just that you forget about them because they’re so shitty. Then after decades of top 5 draft picks, they finally draft 2 good players and all of a sudden hockey enthusiasts proclaim this team and “their rich history” to be the shit. Fucking win a cup in the last half century and come talk to me.
...
Hey there Salinger, What did you do? Just when the world was looking at you To write anything, that meant anything You told us you were through And it’s been years since you passed away but I see no plaque, and I see no grave. And I can’t help believing, you wanted it that way
Chico Eats segment Friday and/or Sunday?
One would hope to see some Chico this weekend.
(774): Drawing dicks in the frost on people's...
Story of my life
(904): I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all...
New life goal
MANswers just told me to never get a handjob from...
More like “Don’t get a handjob from a British chick because you’re not in middle school.”
NJ Nets, Possible offseason pickups
Best case scenario: John Wall, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade Great case scenario: John Wall, Lebron James Great case scenario: Evan Turner, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade Great, but not as great scenario: Evan Turner, Lebron James Great, but got fucked by the lottery scenario: Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade Great, but got fucked by the lottery scenario: Lebron James Why the fuck didn’t we make a free agent move...